Imagine two individuals sitting in stop and go traffic at rush hour.  One perceive himself as trapped, and says such things to himself as “I cant stand this,” “I’ve got to get out of here, ” ” Why did I ever get myself into this commute”?  What he feels is anxiety, anger, and frustration.  The other perceives the situation as an opportunity to lay back, relax, and put on a new CD. He says such things to himself as “I might as well just relax and adjust to the pace of the traffic, or a”I can unwind by doing some deep breathing.”  What he feels is a sense of calm and acceptance.  In both cases, the situation is exactly the same, but the feelings in response to that situation are vastly different because of each individual internal monologue , or self  talk.


The truth is that its “What we say to ourselves in response to any particular situation that mainly determines our mood and feelings.  Often we say it so quickly and automatically that we don”t even notice, and so we get the impression that the external situation “makes” us feel the way we do.  But its really our interpretation and troughs about what is happening that form the basis of our feelings.


In short, you are largely responsible for how you feel (barring physiological determinants, such as illness).  This is a profound and very important truth-one that sometimes takes a long time to fully grasp.  Its often much easier to blame the way you feel on something or someone outside yourself that to take responsibility for your reactions. Yet it is through your wiliness to accept that responsibility  that you begin to take change and have mastery over your life.  This realisation that you are mostly responsible for how you feel is empowering once you fully accept it.  Its one of the most important keys to living a happier, more effect, and anxiety free life.


Click here below to download self help manual for “Self Talk”

Self talk part 1 Self talk part 2 Self talk part 3 Self talk part 4